DAVO'S VIETNAM WAR HOMECOMING TO AUSTRALIA, JULY 1968

Confronting The Past

Confronting Past Memories. The return to the old battle grounds was for me a chance to confront old memories that had become a daily torment. Could I reconcile my past? I thought so.  Let me take you on our journey from my daily diary (abridged) as it happened, sharing some of the thoughts and feelings that became intense for me.

Wednesday, 25th October, 1995

25th October 1995, at 6.30am (Eastern DST) I set off with five others from Canberra Airport for Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC) (formerly Saigon), Vietnam. I was traveling with a group from a local church in Canberra. We arrived in HCMC at 4.30pm local time (they are 3 hours behind Australia). I was anxious as to how customs and immigration would treat us. Four of the team had not been to Asia before, but two of us were Vietnam veterans. Getting through immigration and customs was quite an event. We all managed to get through without any incident. The trip from the airport to the hotel was shared with thousands of push bikes and motor bikes amidst, cars, buses and every other form of transport imaginable (nothing much had changed in that department). The only way to describe it was a river of human flesh, that moves constantly 24 hours of the day. I imagine that there are road rules, although none were readily obvious. It was hard to imagine that some 28 years earlier I had driven these same roads without giving a thought to local traffic other than trying to force them off at every opportunity. Generally you aim your vehicle where you want to go and trust that the thousands who share the road will all miss you.

We settled into our hotel and made contact with the Vietnamese nationals who were to look after us. Hot and muggy, smelly and still the same amount of refuse on the streets. Just as though you had never left. What didn't thrill me was the prospect of having to get up at 4:30am (local time) and ring Kath (my wife) before she left for work. I looked up telephone charges to Oz - absolutely frightening. First minute $US5, every other minute $US4 plus outlandish connection fee and service charges. Day one was orientation. Went for walk in the streets and got stopped by everyone who passed. By the time I got back to the hotel I was ready to lock and load and fight from the bunker.

Thursday, 26th October, 1995

Today is mainly a sight-seeing day in Ho Chi Minh City. City has changed from last time here. Never ending stream of people everywhere. I have never seen so many people going somewhere, coming from somewhere and yet as an outsider, not knowing where they are going to or coming from. Touring around Ho Chi Minh City was interesting but taxing due to the heat and humidity. We all took a trip to the old US Embassy, the Palace etc. They have kept the Palace war room intact. Interesting place that caused a flood of vivid memories and pangs of "get me out of here."

Every time we stopped and stepped from the vehicle we would all be plagued with beggars. I can remember 28 years ago that beggars were few. Now it is epidemic proportions and appears to be a growth industry. It breaks your heart to see young deformed children held up to the window of the vehicle, thrust under your nose with, "you, you give me money." For some (I suspect more than we could imagine) that begging is a business. Children deliberately having limbs broken and used as the object of mercy by ruthless parents who will do anything to survive. You give to one and you will be mobbed. We have to adjust to the fact that this is how it is and get used to it quickly. It still doesn't stop the pull on the heart strings though.

One thing that struck me was the warmth and the smiles on the faces of those we met. It was enough to melt even the toughest of hearts. We really have it sweet in Oz. We gripe at the slightest hint of adversity. The day left me with much to think about.

Friday, 27th October, 1995

Today we are off to Long Tan, Ba Ria, Nui Dat and Vung Tau. We have been told that this area is currently suffering severe persecution and that our stop will be short (under ten minutes) so that we don't endanger ourselves and those we visit. I look forward to today. I know it will be a hard day - mixed emotions - Allan keeps asking, "You all right digger?" He knows that for him too it will be a solemn day. We hired a bus and took along with us some local guides, setting off at 6:30am. One of our guides became sick and we dropped him off in Long Thanh (we had stopped for breakfast). He was going to recover and make his own way back to HCMC (he had come down with acute travel sickness). Severe persecution in Ba Ria - Vung Tau province. When we arrived at a Ba Ria farm house, there were a group who had gathered in anticipation of our visit. As we were leaving, one of our guides became afraid when our van refused to start due to a fuel blockage. It didn't take long for us to come under notice as the locals gathered around the bus. We were conscious of the fact that amongst the onlookers would probably be communist sympathizers and our prolonged presence was endangering those we had come to visit. We decided to act the part of dumb tourists who had got themselves lost. At least that provided us with the opportunity for some humour. Bruce (a mechanic by trade) threw himself into the challenge, and between himself and the driver they got the bus going. We all breathed a sigh of relief as we departed, glad that we were on our way, but sad in the aspect of not being able to spend more time here. In a way I felt robbed. I suspect that they were more afraid for us than themselves. We were conscious of our prolonged presence causing them unnecessary exposure to the authorities.

We headed for Long Tan, site of 'D' Coy, 6 Battalion/NZ, victory over the NVA, during the period 18th-24th August 1966.

The trip from Ba Ria to Long Tan turned out to be an adventure in itself. Our driver couldn't remember the way. Eventually after two visits to the local Communist Police Station we were pointed in the right direction (the irony of the trip was that we led the way after we got our bearings - amazing the things that stick and suddenly get recalled after 28 years). We paid $US20 for a guide at the 1st Police Station whose turn it was to get his daily pay packet, only to find he didn't know the way either. He took us to a 2nd Police station at Long Tan where it cost another $US20 to borrow a replica plaque for the Long Tan Memorial Cross in honour of the Battle of Long Tan. We demanded a receipt from both stations which really threw them into state of confusion. If you are going to pay a bribe, at least get an official receipt.

So here we were with a guide who needed guiding, a replicated plaque which had now cost $US40 to get. I was angry that the plaque had been treated in the way it was by the Vietnamese authorities, even though it was a replica. Eventually we got onto the back road into the rubber plantation and had to walk in about 1km because the driver didn't want to risk the bus on a bit of wet mud. Never an APC around when you want one or a Land Rover with the big "Red Rat."

The memorial site has been cleared pretty well and is now a corn and crop plantation as well as sparse rubber. As Allan and I took time to remember those who gave their life for their country, I broke down and wept openly. It was a solemn time and I had great difficulty in keeping any sort of composure. Names of friends who I had served with and were killed in action flooded my very being. Suddenly there was intense pain and deep grief flowing all at the same time. Was I losing it? Yes, I thought. I shouldn't be here, but I knew I had to confront my deepest fear. I relived the moment I was wounded out the back of the old cemetery at Dat Do at the foot of the Long Hai Hills. The sounds were there, the voices, the pictures. I need to get out of here.

The others in the group (including our communist non-guide) were solemn as two old veterans stood in remembrance of those who had fallen in battle and paid the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. The physical wounds, disabilities and emotional scars I still wear. I knew that I was meant to be there at that time even though it was 28 years on. I felt very much a pilgrim at Long Tan. Allan and I both expressed a sense of eeriness about the place. You could sense the conflict of the battle, the cries of anguish, the last tones of humanity as death overtook many. There was a sense of desolation about the place - as the life and death struggle was fought out. Many hundreds had died at Long Tan in the surrounding area of where we stood. I remember crying out, "none should perish!" Both Allan and I felt it difficult to stay longer than 30 minutes at the Long Tan Memorial - it was too moving, brought back too many memories, too painful. The memories were vivid of battles fought in other locations - mates who had died, been wounded - not seen for many years. All the things you did that you wished you hadn't when you were young and bullet proof. Events that could never be changed. The memories will remain, but the pain has lessened. I never want the memories to go. Amongst them there are good and bad. The good I always want to attach to the joy of the moment. The bad I can handle as the pain lessens.

We left Long Tan and headed for Nui Dat. We had to drop our communist guide off at the police station along with the plaque (what a way to get tourist dollars!) We didn't even get a refund! What cheek! (It was probably their wage for the day.) We eventually found our way onto the main road into Nui Dat after stopping some communist soldiers for directions. You would have thought that they would have left it the way it was 28 years ago. One thing that struck me was the massive war cemetery outside Ba Ria for the Viet Cong. They are reported to still be bringing the remains of dead Viet Cong and NVA out of the scrub. I didn't feel called to stop and pay any respect - I felt a strong sense of contempt at the time. Later on I realised after talking to a Viet Cong we had a coke with, that they were just the same as us. They suffer with PTSD and many physical illnesses as we do. They didn't hold us in contempt. They honestly believed they were fighting for the freedom of their country. Coupled with that was the threat of death to their family and friends if they didn't join the VC. One thing became clear, they didn't hate us. Most fought out of fear of reprisal. They still live in fear and you realise that there is not a single family in Vietnam that the war didn't effect. My animosity towards the VC diminished and accepted that war just doesn't have casualties on one side only. Both sides suffer greatly.

The gate at Nui Dat still remains along with SAS Hill. Fragments of tar along the air strip still remain, although you really have think back to visualize the airstrip and its surrounds. Just inside the gate was a rock left from the sixties marking the location of 4 Field Regiment LAD. As we gathered about this rock it gave me a good bearing on where my hutchy was located. As we stood at the rock it all fell into place - the good and the bad flooding back. Nui Dat had a major effect on me. It was a moving experience being back there. I wondered if I looked hard enough I would be able to find the site of my tent. Doubt set in, and I aborted the attempt.

Time was against us and we headed off to Vung Tau. We visited the 'Back Beach' and headed past the giant 'Jesus" around the headland to the 'Front Beach' commercial area of the city. The communists have used the old air base as their commercial airport, well at least that's what it looks like. We found a Hotel run by Australian's and settled down to a good Australian lunch - rack of Lamb and baked spuds. It was heaven. For me the day was necessary. There were other places I would have liked to have gone back to (Dat Do, Binh Ba) etc.

As we headed back to HCMC from Vung Tau, I remember reflecting on the day:

"On our way out of HCMC in the morning along Route 1 to Bien Hoa, Long Binh, Long Thanh and Ba Ria it was a never ending sea of human flesh attached to all manner of two and three wheeled bikes. We in Australia just can't comprehend the word 'crowded'. The people are warm and friendly. Poverty is heart breaking. Everywhere you look you see poverty. Beggars abound, becoming a business enterprise for some. There is no length a human will go to in this area. Parents holding deformed children up to you - amputees abound. At our breakfast stop, as we were leaving, a woman held a baby up to the window next to Allan. He slipped the woman some money and she was visibly moved by it. Tracey commented that when the woman received the money she broke down and cried. We knew that her tears were genuine and that she would be able to feed herself and her child for a month. The day was filled to overflowing - different - unexpected things - highly emotive - complicated yet satisfying."

Saturday, 28th October, 1995

Allan and I got game and had ham and eggs for breakfast. Wish we hadn't. We both came down with stomach trouble. Fortunately I came prepared and was able to keep the bug at bay. I really felt crook and became woozy and light headed as my bowel became irritated. I took a couple of Immodium capsules to calm things down. Spent the day in the hotel whilst the others went off to purchase an abundance of clothes for the orphans we were to visit.

Sunday, 29th October, 95

Spent the day and evening visiting with the locals.

Monday, 30th October, 1995

Today we travel to the one of the Highlands to visit the orphans. The trip will take about four and a half hours by road. We were able to get some snaps and video of the children before we had to make a very fast exit from the orphanage. After 15 minutes the police arrived and we left. One of our guides was really worried as the police took more than a casual interest in us. Our concern was not for ourselves, but for the children and those who care for them. There was concern as to the degree of persecution they would suffer as a result of our visit. We left quite angry at the authorities. We did manage to off load the clothes as we left. A precision operation. As we left we were voicing our anger over the total suppression the communists have over the people. What had these little one's done to deserve such attention? The orphanage is in a village hut. There were some 30 babies and young children when we arrived. Other children were at school or forced to work.

We cheered up after awhile as we took in the beauty of the countryside. Deep greens and various shades of green. Truly outstanding. I had forgotten just how beautiful the countryside could be. We decided in our exodus that we would at least do the tourist thing and visited a nearby tourist park that had a spectacular water fall. Our idea was that we were just simply tourists who get off the beaten track.

After all we couldn't speak or read the language and therefore we could easily misread a map. Sounded good, and we did have that innocent look about us (ha ha!)

Tuesday, 31st October, 1995

Allan down with a stomach virus. He is suffering. He's been up through the night vomiting and with diarrhoea. Seems to be the same thing that hit me on Saturday. Its a rest day today. Went down to the Cholon markets for some shopping. You need eyes in the back of your head in this place. Leave your watch at home, and carry your money where they can't get at it. One of our number was mugged by some very slippery operators. After the wallet was removed the stage was set for some serious fighting, but an all out brawl was avoided.

Wednesday, 1st November, 1995

Today we fly out. Pack up etc. We are to depart for the airport at 1.00pm local time. Got though all the barriers OK. I'll feel a lot better when I hear the door of the aircraft close and we start to roll. Qantas Flight QF160 out of Ho Chi Minh City at 1550 hours. Flight was good and we arrived at Sydney okay. All through customs with no delays. Arrived back in Canberra to go straight to John James Hospital for the birth of our 1st grand daughter (Lauren Jane).

2nd Visit 28th, October, 1996 to 4th, November, 1996

Tuesday 29th, October, 1996

Allan and myself only going in this time. We set off from Bangkok for HCMC at 11.35 local time on Tuesday, 29th, October, 1996. On arrival at Tonsonut Airport, Ho Chi Minh City( formerly Saigon) we had no difficulty passing through immigration and customs control. I was very much easier this time around.

There were big problems in Ba Ria after we were there last year and visited some of the locals. The government were not happy with the fact that we were there. In the highlands the government wanted to know where all the money was coming from. The orphanage had put in concrete floors, wells and toilets since our last visit with the funds we provided. The children are healthy. Money is filtered through to the local families on a weekly basis. Families buy food and clothes for each week and take it to the orphanage. We were advised that our intended trip to another orphanage was not possible due to government attention. Our presence places the children and the workers in too much danger. Nonetheless, the authorities are still puzzled as to where money comes from for the support of the orphanage. Persecution is still extreme. I can only admire the courage of the locals who have to live and survive under it.

Highlight of the evening was the travel on the back of the bike through the density of Saigon's traffic. Unless experienced, you will never know the feeling. It was a real rush and it was pelting with rain.

Wednesday, 30 October, 1996

Set off to Ba Ria at 7.30am to meet with locals. We met up with a local veteran who had served in the ARVAN. He was familiar with Australian soldiers and fought in the same areas that I was familiar with. We had an eventful and rewarding time in this veteran's home. A young girl in her late twenties came to the house and asked if we were Australian soldiers. She wanted us to track down her Australian father. We couldn't get a last name from her. She really needed to meet her dad and we were unable to get enough information to work with.

 

Friday, 1st November, 1996

At 2.30pm we went to a downtown factory for a wedding. Absolutely glorious. After the wedding we attended the reception at the Embassy Hotel. It was good to be with old friends in fellowship (our local guides). We met an American couple who were setting up an orphanage in Vung Tau. They were having great difficulty with the government. I do not expect that it will get off the ground. If it does, it will require much funding from the United States. A big ask in anybody's terms. (At the time of putting this to paper, I have heard that they have given up the project and returned to America. They could get no formal approval from the communist authorities.)

Saturday, 2nd November, 1996

We decided to cut our visit short and return home. We changed our bookings at the Thai Airways office (what a polite and helpful staff). Some last minute shopping at the markets and back to the hotel.

Thursday, 14 October, 1996

The day was spent in Saigon with locals.

Sunday, 3rd November, 1996

Allan and I and some of the locals went to the hospital to visit with some of the sick. All the time we were aware of many searching eyes spying on us. I was really fortunate having this opportunity to really see how the people live and the type of suffering they must endure. We really live like millionaires in Australia compared to this place. The hospital is definitely one place you do not want to end up in if you are sick.

 

 

 

At 2.30pm we set off for the student meeting, "English as a 2nd Language" that we had been invited to. During my talk with the students, the local police arrived in the meeting. They were quickly told that I was teaching the students English. They left after a little while, stating that they were going to get more authorities and come back. We departed at 4.20pm and walked to the corner some distance away and hailed a taxi for a quick escape. We disappeared into the bowels of Saigon. It reminded me of a time in Vung Tau when I was chased by a tribe of Vietnamese who were bent on shooting me for taking a short cut through their backyards near the 'Front Beach.' I was drunk at the time and on seeing my condition waved their revolvers at me indicating that I should try and mobilize my legs to take flight before I was shot. Amazing how straight and fast you can run when motivated to.

Monday, 4th November, 1996

Reports from up-country were interesting. From the Village of Dilinh. All 100 inhabitants have turned to Christianity. This was a huge shock for the Government as they had Dilinh as a model village to promote the communist cause and party ideals. The Government attempted to win the villagers back. They slaughtered a goat and mixed it's blood with wine. The authorities demanded that the villagers drink the blood/wine and deny Christianity. Nobody was persuaded to turn back to communism including the children. All villagers remained true to Jesus Christ. A villager was reported as saying, "The more the communists persuade us the more God blesses us and the faster the church grows." During an evangelism training class, the students were sent out to practice and won 913 people to the Lord and added them to the unregistered (underground) church movement. One group of house churches gained 16,000 new converts in 1995 it was reported.

At 11.am we set off for HCMC TSN Airport for our flight to Bangkok and on to Sydney, Canberra. We had a 5 hour stop-over in Bangkok and then the flight to Sydney.

NOTE:

The following year on the 26th April, 1997 I suffered a severe relapse of PTSD along an escalation of existing physical ills. I was forced to retire from paid employment permanently. After a long recovery I am now a TPI pensioner. Physical problems still plague me. Mentally I am stronger and I am able to manage my PTSD.

The road ahead looks bright. Would I do it again? Visit Vietnam for the 3rd time? Absolutely! Not to visit war sites but to just take in the tourist thing for a change.

When? Sometime between now and whenever, as finances permit.